Six months later...here I am.
I have this monkey on my back every once and a while. Sometimes I mess up or forget to do something, I get so paralyzed by my anger or fear or whatever that emotion is that I feel towards myself, I keep ignoring the monkey.
The monkey gets bigger which makes me more afraid to do what I want to do. Will others be mad at me? I am so mad at myself. It's almost as if I can see and feel the monkey, but in a weird way, it is almost comforting, too. I have control of the monkey. I choose whether or not he will get off my back.
Even though I don't like this monkey, I can calculate his every move or lack there of! I know I should do something about it, but there he sits; mocking me, like a monkey in a circus with cymbols and a drum.
So, here I go. Goodbye, Monkey. C'est La Vie. I am getting rid of you so I can start where I am. I am sharing our families' lives in order to connect with others. And I am forgiving myself for letting this monkey get so big.
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